What is the meaning of DDLG? A complete guide to DDLG relationship
My exploration into Daddy Dom/Little Girl started back in 2018. I was a Dominant then, so my first foray into the world of DDLG was online, as a Mommy Dom to a “Little Boy”. He was an adult male who was also an ABDL... but more on Adult Baby Diaper Lovers later. We were both switches, a term used in BDSM to describe someone who switches between roles, sometimes as a Top, sometimes as a Bottom. After a while, I was encouraged to explore my Little side. I was curious to know if there existed a Little persona within me. With my friend’s guidance and knowledge of DDLG, I discovered Lily, my Little!
My friend and I often switched in our roleplaying. At times he was the Daddy, and I was the Little Girl, at other times I was the Mommy and he was the Little Boy. Eventually, this online dynamic came to an end when I took the plunge and entered my local BDSM community. Currently, I am in a 24/7 Dominant/submissive relationship, with elements of DDLG. However, since I come from the perspective of having held both roles, I can share my experiences as both a Caretaker and a Little. In this article, everything you need to know about DDLG will be explained, it is the ultimate guide to DDLG beginners.
What is DDLG?
There are different variations of DDLG:
- MDLG – Mommy Dom/Little Girl
- MDLB – Mommy Dom/Little Boy
- DDLG – Daddy Dom/Little Girl
- DDLB – Daddy Dom/Little Boy
- CGL – Caregiver/Little
CGL is an all-encompassing term that includes any of the above relationships involving a nurturing Dominant and a Little submissive, as well as those who are fluid/nonbinary in regard to gender. Also, let’s not forget our polyamorous folk, who are in DDLG dynamics that involve multiple Caregivers and/or Littles!
Moving forward, for continuity I will be using the term DDLG in this article, since this is the most well-known term for the Caregiver/Little dynamic. However, the use of this term is not meant to exclude any of the other variations within this inclusive community. All Littles and all Caregivers are special and equally valid!
That said, let’s get into this and unpack all things DDLG!
What defines a DDLG relationship?
DDLG is an acronym for “Daddy Dom/Little Girl”. DDLG is by definition, a role-playing relationship between two consenting adults in which the dominant partner acts as a caregiver or “Daddy” figure and the submissive one acts as a childlike “Little girl”. DDLG is not always sexual in nature, though it certainly can be. It’s often a misunderstood aspect of BDSM, even within the community itself.
Now, let’s talk about age play. Age play is a form of roleplay or a mindset in which an individual regresses to a different age than they are in real life. Sometimes this can mean being older, but more often it means regressing to a younger age. Since we’re talking about DDLG, I’ll be focusing on the latter.
Age play does not always reflect a true age gap between the couple. In fact, the Caregiver may even be younger than the Little, which was the case in my first DDLG experience. Age play is always between consenting adults and may or may not involve sexual play. Sex within age play can range from none at all, to mild, to being very sexual.
Within a Dominant/submissive relationship, age play can enhance the power dynamic. However, not all DDLG relationships include a D/s dynamic. In fact, something I'm starting to see more of is dynamics where the Little holds more dominance in the relationship than the Daddy, who is solely there to please his Little and make her life easier. Again, for simplicity's sake, in this article, we are going to stick with the more traditional "Daddy Dominant" and "submissive Little" roles.
What is the definition of “Daddy Dom”?
A Daddy Dom is a dominant partner who acts as a paternal figure for their submissive partner. A Daddy Dom’s responsibilities typically include teaching and guiding his Little Girl to be the best version of herself, nurturing her, protecting her, and often providing discipline and rewards where warranted (or simply because “Daddy says so”).
Some wonder what is the attraction for the Dominant? I asked my Sir this question. He is a sadist who gains a certain amount of pleasure from hurting and humiliating his submissive. But when Sir steps into his Daddy role with me, it provides for him a perfect opportunity to express his more nurturing, protective, caring side.
What is a “Little”?
A Little is an adult who takes on a childlike persona or mindset. This may manifest in certain mannerisms, dressing up, and engaging in activities such as coloring and crafts (bonus points if this includes glitter, the one thing that can instill fear into the soul of every Daddy Dom. A sort of Daddy kryptonite, if you will!) A Little is also a submissive. Therefore, their responsibilities are like that of a typical submissive. They are to follow Daddy’s rules, keep Daddy informed of their needs and desires, openly communicate how they are feeling on a physical, emotional, and mental level. There may be certain protocols and rituals they must follow, such as always using a pacifier when watching TV, and only using a sippy cup unless Daddy says so.
There is no predetermined age that a Little must regress to in order to be considered a Little. Sometimes the age of the Little is difficult to narrow down, and it runs along more of a range, such as between 3-6 years old. Sometimes the age of a Little fluctuates. One may be younger or older at a given time, depending on how they are feeling in the moment. There are even some who are more Middle than Little. Middles are those who identify in the pre-teen age range. They may have a more rebellious streak, and enjoy things like video games and anime, as opposed to coloring and cartoons.
What is Little Space?
Little space is the mindset a person goes into during Little play. The techniques used to get into Little space vary from Little to Little. For some, it is a process that requires active focusing, props, dressing up. For others, they can drop fairly quickly into Little space with just a word, phrase, or action. If you are just starting to explore being Little, don’t be discouraged if it takes some time and effort to get there initially. Over time, the more you go there, the easier it will be.
Some require the help of their Caregiver to get into Little space, others can get there all on their own. I drop fairly quickly now, especially when Daddy or I twirl my hair around a finger. But sometimes I find myself in Little space completely unprovoked. Maybe it was triggered by something seen on TV or an unintentional look/word from Sir.
Just remember this, it doesn't happen for you right away, practice, practice, practice!
Is DDLG a kink? Is it part of BDSM?
A kink is defined as a nonconventional sexual practice or behavior. When DDLG involves sex, it is easier to consider it a kink. And for some, that's all it is... kinky role-play between consenting adults, in the bedroom only. For others, DDLG is not sexual at all. There are some for whom DDLG is a lifestyle, and the roles they practice are 24/7, or as close to that as possible. However, whether your DDLG is sexual or not, there is still an association between DDLG and the BDSM community.
BDSM is an all-encompassing term used for a variety of fetish practices. It stands for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism. DDLG is a form of Dominance and submission. Furthermore, although extreme S&M is not often practiced in DDLG, there are sadistic Daddies and masochistic Littles out there.
Fringe Variants of DDLG
What is pet play? How does it relate to DDLG?
Pet play is also a kink in BDSM and while it is quite different from DDLG, there are some similar elements that make it worth mentioning here. Pet play involves a dominant partner who interacts with their “pet” in a way that allows the “pet” to explore their animalistic side. This could be in the form of kitten play, puppy play, bunny play, pony play, or any animal the “pet” wishes to be. The dominant, or “pet owner”, is a Caregiver over their pet, ensuring their needs are met. Being a pet owner provides space for the dominant to express their nurturing side, much like a Daddy Dom does.
In pet space, there is a suspension of reality, a time where one doesn’t have to concern themselves with the responsibilities and stressors of regular life. This is very similar to Little space. Additionally, there is some cross-over, where some Littles also engage in pet play. Both pet space and Little space can be very therapeutic and healing.
Dressing up and props are often used in both pet play and DDLG. For the pet, this may include wearing a collar and leash, a set of ears, a tail, using a doggy dish, and playing fetch. Curling up at the feet of their owner and being petted are lovely ways to achieve pet space.
What is ABDL? How does it relate to DDLG?
This term stands for Adult Baby Diaper Lover and is very misunderstood. ABDL is a separate kink all on its own, but like pet play, it sometimes crosses into DDLG. Sometimes a diaper is only a prop used in DDLG, and the Little does not identify as an ABDL at all. An ABDL typically has a diaper fetish, with or without extreme age regression. ABDLs range from those who simply enjoy the feel and comfort of a diaper and do not do any age regression at all, all the way to those who crave being treated like a baby.
Like DDLG, ABDL may or may not be sexual, although typically there is arousal from diaper wearing. Some ABDLs are into it only for the humiliation factor. They get aroused by being humiliated and degraded, and being forced to wear diapers, dressed in a bib and bonnet, are a preferred means to this end.
Finally, not all ABDLs actually use their diaper for its intended purpose. Some are strictly dry users, others only wet them. There are a minority of ABDLs who are into “messing” their diapers (defecation).
Why Do People Enjoy DDLG?
DDLG holds appeal for both the Caregiver and the Little. For Daddy Doms, the following are some of the reasons why they engage in DDLG:
- Taking on a parental role naturally appeals to their dominant and nurturing personality within the relationship.
- It makes them feel needed and desired.
- It is sexually arousing for some.
- It appeals to their sadistic desires through the administration of punishments.
- It meets their need for control.
- It allows the Dominant to be more lighthearted without fear of losing respect.
- Seeing the benefits of guiding his Little is fulfilling and rewarding.
The following are some reasons why Littles engage in DDLG:
- It appeals to their naturally submissive nature in the relationship.
- They feel safe and enjoy being cared for.
- It provides a safe space to regress mentally and escape adulthood.
- It’s a good stress reliever and often they feel recharged after spending time in Little space.
- It is sexually arousing for some.
- It appeals to their masochistic desires.
- It allows them to be childish without fear of disapproval.
- For those with childhood trauma, it can be healing to regress in a safe space with a person they trust.
- For those who have been abandoned by a parent in childhood, it provides an opportunity to feel accepted and loved by a parental figure.
How To Play DDLG?
DDLG Rules, Rewards, and Punishments
In all aspects of BDSM, including DDLG, consent and open communication are paramount. Before engaging in Little play, it’s important to communicate openly about things like expectations, triggers, and hard and soft limits. When providing a list of rules to the Little, the Caregiver should be clear and precise. This is not only to avoid misinterpretations... Littles have a natural tendency to find loopholes!
Here is a list of common rules for Littles. This list is certainly not exhaustive, as these rules should be personally tailored to the Little and what will be beneficial to that particular DDLG dynamic:
- Bedtime is 10:00pm
- Send Daddy a goodnight text every night
- You will always use your manners and say “Please” and “Thank you”
- You will never use bad words
- You will color a picture for Daddy three times a week
- You will hold Daddy’s hand when crossing the street together
- You will always tell Daddy whenever you feel sad, angry, or upset
- No drinking adult drinks without Daddy’s permission
- No talking back to Daddy
- You will wear a diaper to bed whenever Daddy tells you to
Sometimes rules and routine can get stagnant or outlast their purpose. For example, my Daddy gave me a rule to make my bed every day because it was something I struggled with being consistent about. Eventually, over time, this rule became a normal part of my morning routine. It was then dropped from my list of rules, having achieved its desired outcome. Changing things up will help keep the dynamic fresh. A Caregiver may also decide to enforce a rule for the day only, such as “You may only drink water today, in a sippy cup”.
Rewards and punishments are important aspects of the DDLG dynamic. They can be used to increase the kink factor and/or as incentives for positive behaviors. For example, if the Little requires encouragement to get a work assignment done on time, Daddy may decide to reward her by granting permission for her to play with her “princess parts” before bed. Likewise, if she fails to get her assignment done in time, she is not allowed “cummies” for a week.
There are some things to consider before giving punishments:
- Does the Little consent to the use of physical discipline when in Little space (i.e., spankings, hair-pulling);
- Does the Little consent to the use of emotional discomfort or humiliation (i.e., being teased, scolded, made to perform an embarrassing task);
- Is the Little ok with punishments that are sexual (i.e., forced orgasms or blow jobs);
- Are there any implements that are off limits within Little space (i.e., a wooden paddle, whip)?
Again, the following list of possible punishments is not exhaustive, and a lot depends on what the limits are:
- Spankings, i.e., over the knee, using a hand, paddle, crop, cane, etc.
- Time out, i.e., nose in the corner with pants pulled down, placed in a cage
- Kneeling on rice or Legos
- Writing lines
- Withdrawal of privileges, i.e., no self-pleasuring, no TV time. Never use withdrawal of your time or attention to punish your Little. Too many Littles already have abandonment issues, and this would most likely be detrimental.
- Making an embarrassing video, i.e. I once made my Little Boy film himself standing on his head, singing the teapot song. He hated it!
- Public humiliation, i.e. I’ve been spanked and put in the corner in front of kink-friendly friends. Very effective!
In a DDLG dynamic, the Caregiver is a parental figure referred to as Daddy, Da, Dad, Papa, etc. There are a variety of terms for the Little, such as Princess, Baby, little one, kitten. Some Littles have their own name, given to them by their Caregiver or determined on their own (mine is Lily!) But other than names, you may be wondering what kinds of activities are done during play between a Caregiver and a Little?
Every DDLG dynamic is unique to the individuals involved. However, there are some common activities that Daddies and Little Girls typically engage in:
- Coloring and crafts are a fun way to regress into Little space, with Daddy providing snacks and drinks in a sippy cup, and supervision whenever scissors are used.
- A Little may dress up in something childlike and put their hair in pigtails. It’s always nice when Daddy helps with dressing and brushing hair.
- Bath time is fun, especially when Daddy helps (just don’t forget the bubbles, or you may have one grumpy Little on your hands!).
- A Little may wear diapers and enjoy Daddy doing diaper checks and changes. This may also be done for humiliation. What is cuter than a Little blushing at the words, “Does my little one need her diaper changed? Come here and let Daddy check.”
- A Little may use a pacifier while watching TV or coloring.
- Outings to a park, fair, or zoo are fun places for a Daddy and Little to explore together. Make it more interesting by having the Little wear a diaper under their clothing, or keep a pacifier around their neck.
Aftercare Within DDLG
Aftercare is important in DDLG, just as in other BDSM play. If a Little has regressed deep into Little space, they may require assistance from their Caregiver to bring them back to reality. The process of coming back is different for everyone. Some require a gradual return, a routine such as changing back into adult clothing and taking out the pigtails. Sometimes the use of a word or phrase is used to mark when it’s time to return, “It’s time to be Big now, baby. Daddy loves you and will see you soon.” For us, my Daddy gently kisses each eyelid and then my forehead, says goodbye to Lily, and then gives me a mild slap to my face, which snaps me back to being Big.
It's always good to debrief after a play session, especially if you're new to DDLG. Talk about what you both enjoyed, what you each got out of the experience, what you would like to do again. Don’t forget to discuss something that didn’t go well, and you don’t want to repeat. Talking about what techniques were helpful in reaching Little space is useful when it’s time to regress again.
So, you don’t have a Caregiver. Can you still explore Little space?
You sure can! In between Daddies, or when I want to be Little and Daddy isn’t here to help, I’m able to enjoy little space all on my own. Actually, many start out exploring their Little side all by themselves! It is helpful to have some props to assist in your regression, such as a sippy cup, pacifier, stuffies, coloring books and crayons, an adult onesie, or something else to wear that makes you feel Little. Try putting on a cartoon while coloring, playing with blocks, or using Play-Doh（one of my favorite things to do when Little!).
Just try to relax and let go! It gets easier the more times you explore. Remember there is nothing to be ashamed of. Enjoying some time in little space is an excellent way to de-stress and escape from the pressures of adult life.
DDLG Resources for Newbies
Whether you are looking for a partner to practice DDLG, an information hub to learn more about it, or a shop to buy props and outfits, I hope you may find what you need among the following sites.
DDLG Subreddits on Reddit
DDLG Discord Servers
#2 Little Space
DDLG Dating Sites
#2 DDLG friends
#3 DDLG Dating
Addressing the Myths of DDLG
Is DDLG Pedophilia?
It is a myth that DDLG is a pedophilia, or that Daddy Doms are attracted to minors or children. Pedophilia is a psychiatric disorder involving sexual attraction to children. DDLG is a dynamic between consenting adults ONLY and does not involve or promote being sexual with actual children. Individuals who engage in DDLG enjoy an escape from reality by roleplaying childlike behaviors or by taking on a parental authoritative caregiving role.
Is DDLG incest?
No. Incest is defined by sexual relations between closely related persons. As long as the individuals in the DDLG relationship are not related, it cannot be incest. There is a form of taboo play in BDSM called incest play, where parties role play that they related, i.e., brother/sister, Daddy/daughter, Mother/son. Some involved in DDLG may incorporate this kind of role-play into their play with each other, others do not. You can refer to your partner as “Daddy” and not be interested in doing any kind of incest play at all. Even when incest play is present, it is still fantasy and does not make DDLG incestuous.
Some may try to kink shame and say DDLG is wrong because it’s pedophilia or incest. This comes from ignorance. Hopefully, you now realize that this is only a myth and you can fully embrace your inner child, or inner Daddy, knowing that DDLG is a special dynamic, within a relationship between consenting adults.
These dynamics are as diverse and varied as the number of people who engage in them. This article provides the basics, a jumping-off point. But really, it’s entirely up to you and your partner to create the dynamic that will be most beneficial and enjoyable to you both. My advice? Don’t be afraid to explore and experiment. Have open, honest communication along the way. If something doesn’t go as expected, discard it for now, revisit it later if you want to, or don’t. The fun is in the exploration and trying new things!